I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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