Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
