Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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