Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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