Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
