so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize