I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
