are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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