Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
