I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
