Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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