I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Someone shit on the floor
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
