Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
