Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
