so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
