There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
