one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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