JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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