I think I am morally bankrupt
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
