I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
