Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
