oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
