I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
