this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
