He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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