There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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