she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is classic penis vs brain.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
