Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize