I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
