The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
