She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
