my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
