after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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