Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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