THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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