I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
