I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
