Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You pole danced in your parka.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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