I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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