In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
