Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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