I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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