my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
