Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
