don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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