I'm so fucking centered right now
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
