dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
