In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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