Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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