sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize