I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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