New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
