I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I accidentally had phone sex last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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