i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I want to be your penis for a week.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
