I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
