It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
