Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
