It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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