look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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