tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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