Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
