I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
