I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
