my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
