We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I bet he comes in French.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Randomize
