how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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