Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
