Your face is a jimmy john
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
